Crap Joke of the Week Comp

[aky]

class!

[3pl]

Husband goes to work so the mother calls her lover ova after 10 mins of him being there her son comes home from school and says "whos this" mum replies "he my lover just dnt tell ya dad" boy "ok"
Dad walks in the door mum puts the boy and the lover in the wardrobe
boy sez "dark in here"
man replies "i no"
boys sez "i hav a baseball bat if u want"
man replies "why would i want tht"
boys sez "Hav u seen my dad!!!"
man replies "ok how much"
boy sez "$75"

next day boy comes home from school 2 find the lover there Again b4 he says anything dad walks through the door mum chucks them both in the wardrobe again!
Boy sez "dark in here"
man sez "i no"
boy sez "i hav a baseball mitt if u want"
man sez "ok how much"
boy sez "$25"

The next day dad comes to the boy as sez "go fetch ur bat and mitt and we will ply outside for abit.
boy sez "cant dad i sold my stuff 2 1 of my m8s"
dad sez "how much"
boy sez "$100"
dad sez "thts terrible tht tripple wht there worth im taking 2 church to confess ur sins"

they both get 2 the church and dad put boy in confession box.
boys sez "dark in here"
priest sez " DONT START THT SHIT AGAIN!!!!!"

[3pl]

vampire walk's into a bar and asks for a pint of hot water.
the bar man returns with the water and sez "i thought vampires drank blood?"
vampire pulls out a used tampon and sez "im making tea!!"

[3pl]

An eskimo is driving down eskimo road wen his car dies, so he fones the eskimo AA. Theb eskimo AA man looks ova the car and sez "this looks serious, looks like u've blown a seal!" eskimo replies shocked "NO I HAVENT its just snow on my mustache!!!!"

[3pl]

Q : How do u confuse an idiot!!

A : 7

[3pl]

Q : Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A : Because it was dead !!!

[dr stealth]

A guy in a bar stood up and shouted, "Lawyers are assholes!"

A guy at the other end of the bar shouted back "I resent that!

The first guy asked, "Are you a lawyer?"

The second guy responded, "No, I'm an asshole."

[dr stealth]

I was on vacation in Vegas playing the slot machines. It was my
first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated.

"Excuse me," I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?"

The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and
operate the release handle...

"And where does the money come out?" I asked.

He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM."

[dr stealth]

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?

Joe: I won it in a race.

Bill: How many people participated in it?

Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!

[dr stealth]

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" Asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno...Never found the head.